| a few songs southbound |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|12:15 am] |
An out of practice writer seats herself in the corner of a subway during rush hour. With transients getting up, sitting down and hanging on, she searches faces and carry-ons in efforts to find a story.
Standing at the entrance of one of the sliding doors, a man clutches an old Gatorade bottle he filled with water. His ipod strings are hidden beneath his gray crewneck t-shirt and connected to the source of his music, tucked away in the back pocket of his light brown cargo pants. His backwards baseball cap is as dirty as his construction boots, his face void of expression and he will remain irrelevant to the girl writing in a few stops. But, for a brief moment, he existed and filled her vision and temporary state of boredom.
Rather than study strangers, she thinks of some of the main cast members who make daily appearances in her life. She entertains a few thoughts and fantasies she’d deny in any conversation — either over coffee or beer.
She considers the state of several friendships and assesses how close or distant she feels to these people. She briefly imagines a scenario that a romantic moment could arise and shudders at the awkward feelings this fantasy elicits.
As the destination approaches, the writer develops some anxiety. There is a pleasant state of introspection that can arise on a long subway ride that results in new perspectives on things and life. Though she always dreads getting on, she is always reluctant to get off. |
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| referencing mythology while figuring out my own |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|07:25 pm] |
i can't rid myself of the furies in my head
they talk amongst themselves and make me mad.
so much has moved and changed around me
growing older and fixing my ways
finding ways, losing ways
making my own.
post-graduation might be the most confusing time...
where do i go?
...and which way? |
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| where'd you leave your identity? |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|02:34 pm] |
I actually really enjoy the critical issues in journalism course I am forced to take, despite leaving the class all heated and sweaty and angry. It's really frustrating how people won't accept or acknowledge the fact that we are still a white dominated society. It's a game made and played by white people and - yes, by living in Canada - you are offered an equal opportunity to participate in said game...but to actually advance along in it, you have to conform and act white or, in the very least, pretend you're white-washed. That's just how it works.
our government is run by white men. the country was built on a white legal system supporting the christian religion, in efforts to serve justice to the white man. ryerson university is run by a board of white men. our journalism faculty is run by white men and white women (+ Vinita, +adrian, our asian secretary,) who teaches an overrall white journalism student body. our news networks are owned and run by white people, and our society adopts the white ideologies: white = normal; minorities = equal...well, if they act white enough.
let's move on: in terms of social networks, to make your way to the top of the social hierachy - you have to pretend you're a white girl. You have to hang out with the white girls, you have to abandon your culture [to a certain extent] and perform a societal ideal...which is: BEING A PRETTY WHITE GIRL WHO KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE GAME. (and don't you forget that - to be pretty is to be white; otherwise you're ethnic, exotic and/or a pretty representitive of whatever race you were born into.)
...and I'm relatively good at the game. break the asian stereotypes, pretend you're not so asian, never speak the language in public, associate with as few asians as possible and think and speak and breathe and behave like a white girl. this is how you land jobs. this is how you make friends. this is how you gaurantee yourself in a decent slot in our "culturally diverse and accepting" society.
yeah, and then you have the white girls who get all defensive and try to prove how ethnically diverse they are by counting all their minority friends on a hand in efforts to show how accepting they are. bare in mind, these counted representitives are usually white washed and have already advanced to level three in the game.
This is to be a part of the majority. This is how you get into the dominating society...otherwise, if you wish you maintain your own beliefs and practise your preferred non-white culture - they have communities for you. They have little pockets in the city - areas for "your people" to hang out and do what you gotta do. It's called segregation. It's called truth. It's called CULTURAL CENTRES...
because canadian culture is the norm. and what is the norm? being white. being white in canada is the norm. thank god i lucked out and made it in the game.
oh wait, that's right - i'm asian.
just an asian girl who thinks like a white girl.
...almost just as good. |
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| hey, dirtbag. |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|05:36 pm] |
so some jackass on my livejournal friends list thought it'd be a good idea to take pictures from my livejournal - hack into my myspace and upload them there.
not impressed. not amused.
in fact, i'm very, very irritated.
so i just did a huuuge friends cut. i deleted 25 people.
and i'm going to keep on deleting.
because now i'm very uncomfortable.
anyway, i may have deleted someone i actually like by accident...
...so if i did do that - and you'd like to remain a friend, let me know.
otherwise, FUCK YOU.
i'm pretty pissed off.
so TO THE LOSER: eat me, cow. and leave me alone.
kthnx. |
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| NEW LJ LAYOUT! |
[Feb. 17th, 2006|05:49 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | just like heaven - the cure | ] |
yeah, apparently i have a theme.
yeah. and it's me.
ha-ha.
Jazmine is here.
We're gonna have some fun times.
You're jealous. |
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| miss kristin chloë |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|01:26 am] |
that's me this month.
april chloë
so [like] in 10 years when i'm [even] fat[er]
and ugly[er] i can be like
hey, when i was 20, i was almost cute.
and y'know.
--
candy made fun of me today.
she and alex make fun of me
cause one of my tables told me i talked
like a vally girl.
i so totally need to stop talking
like a vally girl
it's my voice
its apparently high, and girly and vally girl sounding
--
and more importantly, i need to stop looking like a straight girl.
bah.
PS, i hate cheap people.
if you tip less than 15% -
never, EVER sit in my section
kthnx |
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| au natural |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:14 pm] |
me in my most natural state
[with nothing artificial whatsover]
.but doesnt it feel nice.
[nice]
le sigh.
[sigh] |
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| new [friends only] journal |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|11:26 pm] |
so, the yellow_ogre has retired...
...however, the journal concept's the same...
[and so] i, chloë, have started up a new el-jay.
so within these pretend-pages
i offer my thoughts and twisted perspectives
and bizarre anecdotes
welcome to my life [and heart]
take your shoes off and cozy up
[i like the snuggle]
request entrance [and perhaps]
i'll let you inside
[half-ass welcome]
[ chloë ] |
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